Well, it's time to talk about mental
illness. In a slow way at first, nothing too deep, so don't be
scared. My close friends already know this, and so few people have
ever read my blog that maybe that will still be the case. But I want
to publicly talk about some personal things now, mixed in with all
the science, agnosticism, left wing thoughts and music and book
reviews, of course.
I was diagnosed a few years ago with
cyclothymia. First, the scary sounding bit: It is on the bipolar
spectrum. According to Wikipedia, it is also called bipolar III. But it's also been called
bipolar light, so there's that. The name literally translates into
plain English as “mood swings”. To be honest, I'm not so sure
I've got the exact right diagnosis, but that is also something I am
ready to explore, and will mention sometime in the future should I
find out for sure.
At least one fairly famous person has come out and admitted that he
also has been diagnosed with cyclothymia: Stephen Fry. He even did
a BBC special about his disease,
though in many ways his symptoms seem much more severe than mine.
There are two main parts of being cyclothymic, the highs and the lows. Of the two, I much prefer the manias, or the highs. Although, its when I'm feeling good that most of my social errors happen.
Again, according to Wikipedia:
There are two main parts of being cyclothymic, the highs and the lows. Of the two, I much prefer the manias, or the highs. Although, its when I'm feeling good that most of my social errors happen.
Again, according to Wikipedia:
Hypomanic episodes. Symptoms of the hypomanic episode include unusually good mood or cheerfulness (euphoria), extreme optimism, inflated self-esteem, rapid speech, racing thoughts, aggressive or hostile behavior, lack of consideration for others, agitation, massively increased physical activity, risky behavior, spending sprees, increased drive to perform or achieve goals, increased sexual drive, decreased need for sleep, tendency to be easily distracted, and inability to concentrate.[2]
I have experienced most all of
those symptoms in one degree of intensity or another. Its hard for
me to be “extreme” in my optimism, and I rarely actually get
hostile. At least I think so. And there is the case of massively
increased physical activity. That hasn't really been a thing,
either. But most of the others, spot on.
Depressive/dysthymic episodes. Symptoms of the depressive/dysthymic phase include difficulty making decisions, problems concentrating, poor memory recall, guilt, self-criticism, low self-esteem, pessimism, self-destructive thinking, constant sadness, apathy, hopelessness, helplessness and irritability. Also common are quick temper, poor judgment, lack of motivation, social withdrawal, appetite change, lack of sexual desire, self-neglect, fatigue, insomnia and sleepiness.[9]
These all sound about right. And most recently, since I've been diagnosed, I'm wondering if I spent too much time in the depressive state to not count as a major episode. The details of all this will be for a future blog, but for now suffice to say that Jim Morrison got it right.
For part two, go to I Don't Know and I Don't Care
For part three, go to I Get Up I Get Down.
For part four, go to Limb by Limb
For part three, go to I Get Up I Get Down.
For part four, go to Limb by Limb
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