If you are a Star Wars fan from the very beginning (I was 7 when it came out, so I guess those of my generation) and you haven't entirely lost the child within, this is just flat out the movie you wanted to see. That's just a fact.
But it can't just be compared to the previous Star Wars films. It also must live and breath in this generation of movies. There are not a lot of eye-candy super huge movies I make a point of seeing anymore, but I have seen many of the Marvel Universe films. In many ways, The Force Awakens should be directly compared with the first Avengers movie.
Stolen Image, but covered under Fair Use, I think. Please, Disney, don't sue me!
Both films were super big budget action adventure movies. Both were built on existing universes, and both had multiple character to introduce to new audiences as well as re-introduce to long time fans.
Now, I love almost all the work that Joss Wheedon does. His TV shows are among the best genre shows ever made, and at their best among the best TV ever made. His use of genre tropes is superb, but he never skimps on the human emotional element. His dialogue is usually witty and smart. And above all else, he can craft a great, complex yet followable and gripping story.
So, I had some high hopes for the Avengers. On my first viewing, I thought it was a hot mess. All the things I liked about Joss's work was muted by the largeness off the budget and action. It was a series of well directed action sequences that that didn't have any real weight to it.
In many ways, perhaps I was just too old to really get into such a franchise, and more likely I just had too high or at least incorrect expectations, so I felt let down.
JJ Abrams was a bit more spotty for me. I never saw lost, and only sort of enjoyed Fringe. Super 8 (or whatever it was called) was a really decent Spielberg movie made by an obvious fan. The Star Trek reboots were fair to decent, but just didn't feel right. They felt like somebody trying to turn Trek into Star Wars.
So, my expectations on this one were a bit on the low side. I was excited, but in a muted way. I just couldn't get my heart racing over this, not even when the orchestra blast ocurred with the sudden and still shocking appearance of the main logo then zooming off into the distance.
But Ep7 quickly won my heart. Everything just felt right about it. I was able to connect to that 7 year old boy again, and still feel satisfied as a grown up watching a movie. I avoid most all the spoilers and much of the guess work as I could going into the movie. Even so, I was never caught off guard with what would happen next. Even the huge "twist", as I've heard it called, seemed inevitable to me. Some were upset, but it just couldn't not go any other way. (you know what I'm talking about, but I want a spoiler free post here.)
Ditto
Even that was a good thing. It felt very organic, very natural at every turn. It was Star Wars, and it was I think Star Wars at its best. As a child, Empire was always considered the best, but as I grew older and learned more about movies, I think the A New Hope was a better story. It's the one movie that proves Lucas can direct, if not actors, at least he can excel at visual story telling.
The Force Awakens is, I think in the end, somewhere between Hope and Empire. It has a few hints at the longer scenes where we just get to live with the characters and get to know them through their thoughts of the pure cinematic nature of Hope. It takes its time here and there. But the complexity and action are more like Empire. Its a big movie with a lot of small human moments. In that way, it reminded me of Peter Jackson's LOTRs movies, which is a very good thing.
Ibid
JJ Abrams gets a lot of the credit for this wonderful addition to my first film family I fell in love with. But it was a team effort in many ways. And for the first time, I feel comfortable with the new leadership team, and am excited for all the (hopefully) wonderful Star Wars movies yet to come.
It's time we had a discussion about
guns in this country. A real discussion, without using inflammatory
rhetoric or name calling. The purpose of this open letter is to do
just that.
I am what you might call a liberal. On
most issues I am certainly left of center. I cannot speak for all
liberals, of course. I do feel that most of my liberal friends would
agree with most of what I have to say here. Perhaps they, and you,
will use the comments section to continue this discussion.
First, let me tell you where I think
you have some valid points. You're right, guns don't kill people,
people kill people. You're also right that the Supreme Court ruled
that there is a Constitutional right for individuals to own firearms.
Guns have been a significant part of our culture for a very long
time. They helped to tame the wild new continent that the Europeans
found themselves on, for good or ill. Hunting was a large part of
how the pioneers kept themselves fed as we expanded westward in
Manifest Destiny. Here, recreational hunting took root in their wake
among all classes of citizens, not just for the elite as it often was
in the old world. And finally, you are right that in some ways, guns
are not the (whole) problem; mental illness and crime is a part of
it.
But there is one thing I would like you
to admit as well. It is much easier to kill someone when a gun is
readily at hand.
Now, I want to say this very clearly.
I do not think we should take your guns away. Let me repeat that: I
do not think we should take your guns away.
I don't think any thinking person
really wants to round up all the guns and ban them. Right or left,
there is a bit of a libertarian streak in most of us. We Americans
don't like to be told what to do as a general rule. But some rules
and laws are needed to keep us from descending into anarchy and
chaos. Every society has rules governing behavior in some form or
another. For the most part, we try to get along. But some of us
don't. Some of us seek to harm others, physically, emotionally,
financially. The rule of law is there to try to protect the majority
of us from those of them.
And you admit that these people are out
there. One of your claims is that the best way to stop a bad guy with
a gun is to have a good guy with a gun. So, ergo, there are bad guys
with guns.
Yet it feels to me any attempt to
politically address the issue of gun violence and death is met with
derision and hostility. You, the NRA and its sympathizers, have a
lot of political pull in this nation, and it seems that you fight
tooth and nail to limit or even eliminate the tools we can use to
curb these deaths.
No matter what the actual numbers are, I
think we can all admit that any killing is too much killing. And if
you can admit that it is much easier to kill with a gun than without
a gun, we can have a place to start thinking about this problem.
Now, I'm going to admit something to
you. It may be something you already suspect, but you will need to
guess no more. I am not so much afraid of guns. It's you, the “gun
nut”, that I'm afraid of. Not all gun owners for sure, but too
many (one would be too many) are very careless and even reckless
about firearms. Some gun owners are very conscientious with their
responsibilities. They keep their guns locked up, unloaded, and
separate from their ammunition. They have taken the time to know
their weapons, and to educate their families on safety. When they
take their guns out for target practice or hunting, they are aware of
the awesome power they possess, and make sure nothing they don't want
to shoot is in their line of fire. I am not afraid of these people.
What scares me are the people that open
carry just to make a point. What scares me are people that are
emotional, hot headed, or ill tempered that carry open or otherwise.
What scares me are people so paranoid and eager to “protect”
their domain that they sleep with a loaded gun under their pillow.
What scares me are the people that seem to love guns more than human
life. Any human life.
Here's where I would like the
discussion to begin. A) I would like to see guns in the hands of
responsible owners, and I would like gun owners to be responsible. I
think you feel the same way. B) I would like it to be more difficult
for un-responsible people to possess guns. I also think you feel the
same way.
The problem as I see it, though, is
that you use your political clout to block any attempt at all to
address this. I don't know why. I have heard many reasons given,
many of them cynical. The why is unimportant to me. All I ask is
that you at least enter the discussion in good faith. Negotiate.
I will offer some ideas to get started.
First of all, if we can all agree what
we don't want the “bad guys” to have guns (whoever we determine
them to be, criminals, the insane, etc) we need to have the tools to
separate the good from the bad. Perhaps it is background checks,
perhaps some other way. Maybe licensing and registration. Maybe
not. Whatever we may come up with, I think we can both agree it
needs to be done and actually work. No loopholes, no exceptions.
Secondly, I think we can agree that it
is important to keep guns out of the hands of criminals, drug
dealers, and other unsavory characters. This can be done, at least
a lot better than it is being done today. Please let us find some
tools that we can agree on for using to this end. All guns are (so
far) made by gun manufacturers. They have serial numbers. They are
traceable. They have to enter the black market one way or another.
I'm sure some get stolen, but I'm also sure that many are bought and
resold by people for profit. Let's figure out a way to severely
curtail this. It may require some sort of registration of who owns
what gun, like the way that car ownership is registered. I know this
is one of your touchy subjects, but again, I don't want to take away
your guns. Really. Ever. If you never use it to murder, or
threaten murder, or are careless enough to cause an accidental
killing, then have all the guns you want. Truly.
Lastly, I think we can all agree that
anybody that wants to own a gun should be a responsible owner.
Please let us work together to find a way to encourage this. I
believe the NRA used to be much better at spreading and cultivating
such a culture, and is a great organization to renew such. There are
two ways I can think of that might help with this. I have no doubt
you would think them as “lefty” solutions. Fine by me if you do,
but I would encourage you to at least consider them and to offer some
ideas of your own. One way to encourage responsible ownership would
be to require passing a knowledge and practical test to become
eligible for gun ownership. The other thought I have is have the
owner of a firearm bear some of the responsibility if his or her gun
is used in a crime or accidental shooting.
No, guns don't kill people, but people
with guns too easily kill people. A bar fight is just a bar fight,
but when in the moment of anger a gun can be drawn someone ends up
dead instead of just beaten. We humans are emotional, irrational and
impulsive beings. Some of us are downright crazy. I think any
discussion about guns needs to keep that reality in mind.
Again, I don't want to take away the
guns from the general population of the United States of America.
But, I don't think it is okay that thousands of people die each year
here from gunshot wounds that don't have to. I believe you feel the
same way. Please, lets sit down and try to work together to figure
this out.
Howdy both loyal and new readers! Today, I have a bit of a treat for... well, if not you, certainly for me. I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but things have been going at least well enough that I just haven't had much to say. No rants on politics or science or religion in the works. So today, we get to deal with something that's actually important: Music!
I love cover songs, or should I say remakes. To me, the best cover songs are completely reworked and rethought-out. If it basically sounds like the original with just a different voice, then what's the point. Many of my favorites are actually the first version I heard, such as rocking covers of Motown hits and such. So, today, my treat to you (well, actually me... maybe both of us?) is to go through my collection and memories to find a few originals and covers. Hopefully there will be some surprises here, and as always, feel free to comment and maybe add some of your favs.
Babe I'm Gonna Leave You
I really don't think that Joan Baez's version was the first, but it was the earliest one I could find. According to Wikipedia it was written in the late 50's, and Baez's version was recorded in '62.
It was subsequently covered by many different bands. Of course, the most famous version was off of the first Led Zeppelin album.
You Keep Me Hangin' On
Depending on what side of the Rock/Soul divide you grew up on, its hard saying which version of this tune you remember most (if at all!) Diana Ross and the Supremes made it popular...
But the version I grew up with, and still love the most, was by Vanilla Fudge. This is actually my archetype cover song, a nearly complete reworking of the arraignment.
Smells Like Teen Spirit
We all know this one, I think.
Well, check out this badass version by The Bad Plus. I remember the first time I heard this (on an actual radio station!) as it slowly dawned on me that I knew this melody, and then what it was. Instant love!
Love In Vain
This original goes way back to Robert Johnson. I could do an entire post on just the covers that 60's and 70's British Rock bands did of his work. Johnson only recorded a handful of his tracks before he was killed in the 1930's In many ways, he was largely forgotten or not ever even known for another 30 years, until the Brits discovered him.
If anything, the Rolling Stones actually slowed it up a bit, and to my ears at least, gave it a slight Country feel.
Stop Breaking Down
Again, we'll stick with the Robert Johnson to the Rolling Stones hand-off with this one, but we'll go one step further to the White Stripes.
Fell In Love With a Girl / Boy
As long as we are talking about the White Stripes, lets hear one of their originals.
Again, the first time I heard this cover I was just blown away. I wasn't a huge White Stripes fan at the time, but was just starting to get into them. It took me much longer to recognize the song than I care to admit. Of course, for me, that just makes it a wonderful cover! Joss Stone when so far as to rename the song, I guess for gender normal purposes.
All Along The Watchtower
Possibly one of the most famous covers in history. Hendrix did such a fantastic job reworking this Dylan original, that most people don't even know its a cover. Dylan liked Jimi's version so much that he started doing it much closer to that version live, at least for a while.
Yes, you are not experiencing technical problems, this video in fact has no video. Its audio only.
Blinded By The Light
This is another one where the remake went much farther than the original. For those of you that have always wondered how you can be wrapped up like a douche, I think a quick listen to Springsteen's version will clear that up for you. Ladies and gentlemen, The Boss.
And now, Manfred Mann's Earth Band.
(I Know) I'm Losing You
Back to the Motown to Rock move. It's a matter of taste, but I really love the Rod Stewart version over the Temptations. Barry Gordy had a crack team of songwriters, producers, and players for his vocalists, but for me the end result is just a bit too polished and lacking vitality. Stewart's version is just the opposite of that. Recorded mostly using his band-mates from the Faces, its entirely possible that none of them were sober at the time of recording. They made the Stones look like Victorian era schoolmarms!
Jesus Gonna Be Here
This one may be a bit more obscure, both for the original and the cover. Tom Waits is one of America's best singer/songwriters. Much of his work is, well, just plain out there, using odd instruments and percussion for a "rock" song. This song is raw and rough around the edges, much like Mr Waits himself.
The cover is by a group called the Blind Boys of Alabama. They are a gospel vocal band that started singing as kids in the 1940s at their school for the blind. I just saw them last weekend (June 2015!) and holy cow do they still have their vocal chops! If you get a chance to see them, do it.
America
This is interesting, because I could choose the America from West Side Story and the cover that the Nice did, but I might save that for a sequel to this post. (No promises, but you can look it up if you like.) No, instead, I'm going to give you the Simon and Garfunkel song instead.
And I'll end with the version Yes recorded while Bill Bruford was still in the band. I'll admit, parts of it might not work for many of you, but by my criteria, it is a hell of a cover!
Well, there you have it. I really hope you enjoyed this little excursion into the wild, wonderful and often weird world of cover songs. There are many many way cool covers out there that I have no idea of, and I would really enjoy learning about some of them.
So, this is what I want, and if any
young genius is out there that can create such a thing, please get to
work on it. I want some easy way to record my thoughts while I am
in the shower. It could be water proof paper and pen. Or maybe a
recording device built into the soap dish. Whatever. I'm not picky,
just make it happen.
I'm sure you've experienced it too, you
get into the shower. The hot water starts to paint your body with
liquid comfort, and your mind wonders. Maybe you plan your day. Perhaps a solution to some problem will just pop into
your head. If you are any sort of writer or idea's person, I'm
willing to bet this where you do your best mental creativity.
Standing in the Shower, Thinking
Most
of my blog posts started in the shower, as did the
ideas for my planetarium scripts back in another life. Its a great
conduit for inspiration. I'm sure the idea for sliced bread came in
the shower, as must have the mousetrap. Archimedes famously figured
out how to tell if a suspect crown was made of pure gold or less
precious materials while in the bath, which is the ancient version of
the shower. The bath is just not as effective as the shower, though,
and it took the bath's greatest invention, the aqueduct, to bring the
shower to the masses, allowing the Roman Empire to really take off.
The Dark Ages were caused when Romans fell, taking their plumbing
with them. No showers, no ideas. I'm pretty sure that's the
way it happened, anyway.
But as wonderful as the shower is for
the germination of ideas, it does have it's limitations. For
example, most all of those wonderful ideas just go down the drain
with the last of the water. It happens like this: We shower to get ready for work, or to go out for a
social occasion, or to run errands. Whatever. It is a little
oasis of stillness in our day, both in location and in mental state.
We can't really have screen time while in the shower. No TV,
computer, smartphone, social media. No bosses, employees, kids.
Nothing to distract us from just THINKING.
We're not even distracted with thinking itself. It's no use to try
to think in the shower, because the mere act of trying to think
messes the whole thing up. It has something to do with
quantum mechanics and the Heisenberg Principle.
Granddad's Little Ditty
But
as soon as we step outside the shower, we get busy and distracted
again. It starts as soon as we towel ourselves off. Our concentration moves to targeted goals. We make ourselves
presentable: teeth, hair, deodorant, make-up, shaving, etc etc
etc. Then there's picking out a wardrobe for the day.
Maybe some breakfast, or you take your pills. Whatever. You're
doing stuff. Already, if you remember at all that you wanted to
record your ideas that came to you in the shower, you've already
forgotten the subtleties and nuances. You may have “written” a
few perfectly constructed phrases, or an outline of your main points
with the ideal transitions. But by the time you sit down at your
computer, you have at best 10% retention. Mostly by the time you
check your e-mail, social media, texts, what have you, you've
forgotten that you even wanted to remember something.
I've
had dozens of great blog post ideas and drafts disappear because I had no way record those thoughts when the were
occurring. I know the same thing happens while on long car trips, or
while exercising, but what with hands free car phones and ear buds,
the hit rate of great ideas during these activities are in decline
for obvious reasons.
So, please, invent some way of
recording ideas while in the shower. Or, better yet, come up with
some way to create the same conditions that a shower offers while
sitting at a desk. Of course, you know where the best place to come
up with that invention is. Good luck.
If you've had an great ideas in the shower and then forgot the details, what were they? How do you retain these ideas? I've set the comments options such that anybody should be able to leave a comment, not just those with Blogger accounts.
Okay, this one is a bit of a re-hash, but I think its sort of interesting. In January of 2009, a Facebook Notes meme was making the rounds, wherein you had to write 25 Random Things about yourself. Then just recently, something quite like it came back around, but this time someone gave you a random number of random things to write about yourself. So, please allow me a bit of self indulgence today as I post both the old and the new. I will not edit the actual content, but I may edit somewhat the extraneous stuff.
I'm posting this for two main reasons. One, I find it interesting to compare and contrast what I found interesting enough to list six years apart, and two, I wanted to archive them for posterity, just in case I end up doing another list.
25 Random Things (January 2009)
1: I got two of these tonight from two unrelated FaceBook friends. How odd. 2: This list is going to suck. I’m either going to totally blow it, use lots of filler stuff, or just give TMI. 3: I’ve not been doing very well lately, but I’m working on it. 4: I got fired from my last job. Right or wrong, it hurt like hell. 5: I have more friends that I thought I had. 6: I play the drums, but not well. My guitar player doesn’t know this, and I hope he never does. 7: Our band is called the Rhogue Scholars. Look us up on Facebook. 8: You won’t like the music, but we do. 9: Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine. 10: Yes, I still find that joke funny. 11: I’m very happy to be re-connecting with many people as far back as Jr. High. This would surprise many, many people. 12: This is the most I have written at one time since I last had a cigarette. That was September 13, 2008. 13: I went into the hospital that day, and didn’t come back out until October 4, 2008. 14: I have written and produced almost 10 planetarium programs. Most of the still are still being used. 15: I can be a real jerk. For those of you that know that, I’m sorry. For those of you who don’t, I hope you never will. 16: I can’t think of anything for number 16. 17: I have no special gifts or talents, but I wish I could sing. 18: I find myself caring about things I didn’t before. I wonder what the old me would think of the leftist I’ve become? 19: I’m too old to still identify with Holden Caufiled, but I do. 20: The first record I remember owning was Shawn Cassidy, featuring
his remake of the Doo Run Run. I was six and didn’t know better. 21: I had a crappy job at a TV station once, but I had the coolest job title ever – Master Control Operator. 22: It’s impossible for me to listen to a lot of Phish and not get at least a little happy. 23: I get at least a bit uneasy when bands I like turn out to be, or become, popular. 24: “Booger!” (I will buy an adult beverage for the first local person that can properly identify that reference.) 25: My cat’s name is Kepler.
10 Random Things (February 2015)
10: I've been on Facebook so long that I did a "25 Random Things" list
in Notes back when that was a thing. I will try not to repeat myself.
9: I have rebuilt my social circle many time through the years, mostly due to migrations and such. I am doing so again,
and have a pretty good crew. If you are, or ever were, a friend of
mine IRL, you were and are still very special to me.
8. A friend of mine, who is married, has a lovely family, a very
expensive house in a very nice neighborhood and is living the exact life
they said they wanted to 20 years ago, said to me the other day that
they are envious of the way that the threads of my life are coming
together. That blew me away and gave me a bit of perspective on how
life has a paddle designed for each of us, no matter how high or low we
are.
6. A few years ago I tried to make
something like Chicken Marsala. I had had it a few times, and I knew it
had mushrooms and marsala wine in a sort of pan sauce. I made a few
dishes that were pretty good, but not exactly what I wanted. It
honestly never occurred to me to look up a recipe. Well, I did just
that recently (okay, three recipes) and then tried my own variation on
it. Perfect this time!
5. After just a few months, I can now
exercise longer and lift more weights than I ever thought I could. I
have also lost nearly 30lbs so far. This is just the start.
4. I have a blog called Missives and Mischief. If you Google that phrase, it's the top one. Please do so and leave comments if you can. I need to feed my ego.
3. There are moments when I envy the people who can apparently not
think about things all the time. I'm not talking about worry, but actual
thinking. I am constantly told that I am over analyzing or being too
deep. Sometimes, for just brief moments, I want to just fit in. Then I
come to my senses.
2. Like most of my life, I had no idea what I
was going to write when I started this. I do like to improvise a lot.
I also like to plan. I don't think those two things are contradictory.
Usually, when I make a plan, its there if I need it, but I never feel
tied to it. It's how I often write. And cook. And clean or do a
project. It's most manifested in the music that I used to make with my
old band. Even though I was just the drummer, in many ways the music we
came up with perfectly fit my brain. I owe a big thanks to Zac Isaiah for those years. Maybe some day we will once again be able to play with ourselves together..... er, you know what I mean.
1. As Jules said, you've caught me in a bit of a transitional period right now. I have no idea what the future is going to be, but for the
first time I am not to afraid of it.
I wonder... Instead of limiting
campaign contributions in any way, and making all political donations
transparent and disclosed, what would be the results if we made all
political giving anonymous? Not even the candidate nor his/her staff
would be aloud to know where the money is coming from.
What do you suppose the overlap is
between those that talk of personal liberties and the impending
police state, and those that say if only these people would have done
what the cops said to do they would still be alive?
Does anybody else think of a podium as
the Locution Location?
The problem with any economic or
governmental system based on enlightened self interest or "man's
rational nature" is that human beings, taken as a whole, are
neither enlightened nor rational.
If you ever feel like saying, "I
don't care what the numbers/data/science says, I know what my guts
say," just remember that your guts have shit for brains.
Just wondering... what difference would it make, if any, in public
opinion and then public policy, if things like crime statistics and
reporting stopped using race as a category, and instead used economic
demographics. Black on black murder or crime would not be used, for
example, instead we would only look at the numbers from an average
income per neighborhood or even zip code point of view. So no more,
"a black man has an x percent chance of being murdered or jailed
by the time he is 30" and change that into "Men from
neighborhoods with an average income of 0 to $20K have x percent
chance..." and "Families from neighborhoods with incomes
between $100k and $250 are 50 times more likely to start their own
business," or whatever.
My hypothesis is that race is a non-factor in what becomes of us,
but our economic environment is, and that if we were to start looking
and presenting whatever data we have in that light, and not race, we
would be able to focus on the real problems.
I have recently come across the word
Homunculus something like three or four time. It's a lovely word, but
I'm just not sure how to slip it into casual conversation.
OK, what do you think the overlap of
these groups are: those who are pro-globalization and those that are
very anti-one world government. Conversely, how about those that are
pro-one world government but very anti-globalization?
After some deep consideration, self
reflection and soul searching, I have concluded that I am indeed, at
least a little bit, about the treble.
Thought of the day: when ever you buy
TP, you're flushing money down the toilet.
And finally, what do you think the overlap is between men who consider themselves "rugged" individuals and those that have heated steering wheels?
Recently, I read a post by Mark Manson
called The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck.
In it, he argues that fucks should be conserved and not given over
especially trivial things. Fucks are valuable, and should only be
given to things that are truly worthy of being given a fuck over.
Essentially, he is saying “don't sweat the small stuff.” I urge
you to read his piece, even though it makes my writing look very
amateurish next to it, but I don't give a fuck.
And while I think he is right, to get
ahead and make something of yourself, you have to let go and just not
give a fuck. But you SHOULD give a SHIT. While fucks are precious
and limited, shits are filthy and should be given, expelled even.
Not giving a fuck means plowing through
the hard times, putting your shoulder to the grindstone (whatever)
and just getting on with it. I guess the Brits would say “Carry
on” right after advising to “Keep Calm”, but they always were
more civilized than we 'Mericans.
Not giving a shit, though, means you
have just given up. “I just don't give a shit” is what you say
when you DON'T do something you should: The snow is piling up on
your side walk, the grass is 10 inches tall, you haven't opened your
mail in three months, etc. You don't do these things because you just
don't give a shit anymore.
I can't remember when I first started
not giving a shit. Certainly, there were certain things at a very
young age I just didn't give a fuck about, such as the kids reaction
to my proclivity for tweed caps in jr high. But at the same time I
didn't give a shit about my things, and would often mistreat them
through negligence. It just wasn't important to me to whether or not
my Star Wars action figures were in pristine condition 20 years in
the future when they would be worth something. To me, they were
worth something then, when I played with them and enjoyed the hell
out of them. I didn't give a shit about books. Books were to be
read, spines were to be broken. Because of that, I never got nice
hard cover books. But I sure as hell tried to keep my records in
pretty good shape, mostly I guess because otherwise they would be
unplayable.
Certainly, as I grew older, I started
giving a shit much more often. I would pay attention to things like
getting the part in my hair just the way I liked it. I started
taking pride in how well my yard looked after I mowed it. When I
first bought my house, I tried to keep it neat and organized.
My niece complains about my "walls of text", so lets
take a moment and enjoy this quality product advertisement.
But, as you know if you have been a
long time reader (okay, long time being 6 weeks or so) of Missives and
Mischief, I have had some issues with mood disorders. Mostly mine,
but other peoples' too, from time to time. The worst of it happened
after I first sought help, though. I was put on meds designed to
“stabilize” my mood, not on anti-depressants. They were afraid
to prescribe those, as it might push me into a manic phase. Many bi-polars
that quit taking their meds do so because they miss the manias. But
stabilize me they did. I didn't feel depressed, and I was so
relieved to not feel depressed that for a very long time I didn't realize that I
didn't feel anything.
Over time, I became
apathetic about almost everything. I just didn't give a shit
anymore. I didn't give a shit about my yard. I didn't give a shit
about my house. Nor my dishes. Nor whether or not I took a shower
or had particularly clean clothes. I stopped writing my blog, sure,
but I also stopped writing rants and raves on Facebook. I stopped
posting at all, or even checking it. That doesn't sound so bad,
until you realized that was my biggest social outlet.
I stopped giving a shit about my
girlfriend.
That one I really didn't notice. I
failed to notice it so much that I argued with her that I was
improving and doing better. But really, I just didn't give a shit.
When she left I acted pissed a bit more than I was, cause you're
supposed to. I wasn't even that pissed when she stared dating one of
my best friends. I was hurt, I felt betrayed, but I wasn't exactly
pissed. However, it did depress me even more, even if the drugs
didn't let me feel it.
I so much didn't give a shit that I
didn't check my mail for months, and missed an appointment. I didn't
see the letter saying I had to contact them by a certain date or I
would be dropped from the program until the day after the deadline.
That I really didn't give a shit about. When I ran out of meds, I
just stopped taking them.
Again, my niece doesn't like so much text. Kids these days, amiright?
Some things changed a bit after that.
One day I noticed that something sad and moving on the TV actually
moved me, just a bit. On another day, I noticed I was actually happy
for like five minutes. Slowly, my moods were returning. But I still
didn't give a shit about anything that I should have.
Last spring I finally started to come
out of it a bit. I started to engage with friends, and found some
purpose in just being there for others, to be a support in my own
humble way. I even discovered I had acquired some wisdom,
but I'm not sure how the hell that happened. I wasn't
recovering enough to save my house from the bank or anything, but
maybe a new start in a new place would be the ticket.
To some degree it was, but not enough.
I was still on auto-pilot for many things. The depression came back
big time, and I knew I had hit bottom. There simply was no other
place to go.
As I've mentioned elsewhere, I have
sought help again. I am on anti-depressants, I am exercising, I am
looking for work (and have found part time work) and I am taking
better care of myself.
I tell you, dear reader, all of this
for one reason only. Its not for you to feel sorry for me in anyway.
Its so that you understand where I'm coming from, and that I know of
what I speak. I am telling you all of this in case you are going
through something remotely like what I am, so that you know you are
not the only one, and that there is hope for a change for the better.
(okay, that's more than one reason, but I don't give a fuck)
It is not only important to give shits,
it is vital! If you keep all your shits, you will be full of shit
and a complete shithead, and eventually you will be a piece of shit.
Give a shit about yourself. Give a shit
about what you put into your body and in your mind. Give a shit how
you treat your body and your mind. Give a shit about the people you
spend time with, not only about the way you treat them, but the way
they treat you. Give a shit about your environment, how you treat it
and how it treats you.*
When you give all these shits, you will
feel much, much better. Just remember to wipe!
The Beatles need no reason.
As usual, please leave comments below. Once again, I seem to have at least some occasional readers in the UK, Ireland, and other ports of call in Europe. So, where ever you are, I'm curious who's actually reading this stuff. If just bots, so be it, but if actual sentient beings are reading it, just drop a one word (or more) comment about where you hang your hat.
*I'm not talking about the hippy tree
hugging sense of environment, although you should give a shit about
that tool. I'm talking about your personal environment, your home,
your work station, your car, whatever. You figure out the details.
